So Convincing: Persuasion Author’s 6 Tips To Get Others On Your Side
Lee Hartley Carter, author of Persuasion, at a recent keynote.
Persuasion had to start early in life for Lee Hartley Carter, author and president of maslansky + partners, a global language strategy firm based in New York with the tagline, “It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.”
“@lh_carter is an author and president of @maslansky, a global language strategy firm based in New York with the tagline, “It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.” #PR”
Growing up the first daughter in a New Jersey family where her mother and most all female relatives stayed home to raise children, Carter says she still has to answer the question, “What do you mean you’re still working?”
Undoubtedly, the author of the new book, Persuasion: Convincing Others When Facts Don’t Seem To Matter, was able to persuade them her choices work best for her.
After graduating in 1995 from Furman University in South Carolina where she studied anatomy of physiology, she went to work for a teaching hospital before moving back to New Jersey and starting a job in marketing.
Carter then went to work for Prudential Financial, working in governmental affairs communications, annuities and financial services marketing.
“I was comfortable with complex, financial products,” Carter says, “but I wanted to understand the psychology behind it.”
Attending a conference where she heard a presentation by Frank Lutz, founder of a political polling consulting firm and later partners with Michael Maslansky, changed the course of her career. Carter says she was so inspired by the message, that for years she tried to set up a meeting with Maslansky.
“I tried to find ways to reach out,” Carter says. But it wasn’t until a friend of hers attended a dinner party with Maslansky where she got her opening. “Have her call me when she is in New York,” Carter says Maslansky told her friend.
She did. In 2008, Carter was president of maslansky + partners, where she specializes in “finding the language to move past a corporate crisis,” for clients in “Fortune 100 and 500 companies, trade associations, and nonprofits in the United States and globally.”
The first thing Carter wants you to know is that persuasion is not manipulation. “It is not nefarious,” she says.
Instead, persuasion is communicating with empathy in order to sway existing opinion.
“The first thing @lk_carter wants you to know is that persuasion is not manipulation; it’s communicating with empathy in order to sway existing opinion. #LanguageMatters”
And women are good at persuasion.
“Empathy is traditionally seen as a feminine characteristic. However, according to a study by Development Dimensions International, a global leadership consulting firm, it is the single most important leadership trait that helps guarantee overall success,” writes Angela Koch in Business.
“While it's considered a soft skill, or an interpersonal/people skill, empathy in a leader promotes both cooperation and commitment in the workplace. In fact, empathy has become such a crucial trait for leaders and companies that many corporations offer empathy training, according to a 2016 story in The Wall Street Journal,” Koch writes.
Empathy is key for all leaders, and women may be better at it.
“Empathy is key for all leaders, and women may be better at it. #FemaleLeadership”
According to Entrepreneur, “A study from Caliper found that female leaders studied were more persuasive than their male counterparts. The Caliper study specifically mentioned traits like assertiveness, willingness to take risks and empathy as beneficial to female leaders. Instead of quashing these personality features, women should learn to apply them in professional settings, where they become valuable tools.”
Entrepreneur reports, “A female leader can use her ability to read the reactions of others, consider them and apply them in a way that appeals to her listeners' concerns. Instead of pushing others to see their point of view, female professionals often tend to be more gentle, a quality that can be much more effective.”
Carter would agree. “Women are more natural connectors, as they are more emotive. But a lot of us feel we have to be perfect before we do anything. And perfection keeps us from being authentic. We connect with vulnerability and weakness,” Carter says.
““A lot of us feel we have to be perfect before we do anything. And perfection keeps us from being authentic,” @lh_carter says about #femaleleaders.”
Trish Hall, former New York Times editor and author of Writing To Persuade, recently told WBUR tactics that echo Carter’s recommendations. Hall says, “ Learn to be empathetic. Try to understand what it feels like to be them, to live their life. That’s not easy, but it is essential.”
Hall continues, “Play on feelings. Feelings are crucial, much more important than facts. As Richard Friedman, a psychiatrist and professor in New York, puts it, ‘You have to use facts almost medically; you need to understand the mental and emotional state of your target audience to determine the right dose.’ We all respond to information that is emotionally engaging.”
Whether you are trying to persuade an audience listening to your keynote speech, a team in a meeting, your boss in a discussion about promotion, consumers buying your product, or a large public audience in a published work, Carter offers several tips on how best to convince others to go along with you.
1. “If they don’t hear you, it’s not their fault.” Carter adds,“Facts alone don’t matter. Humans are emotional creatures and that is how you move the needle.”
““Facts alone don’t matter. Humans are emotional creatures and that is how you move the needle,” says @lh_carter. #Tone #Message”
2. “Use active empathy.” Carter says this notion has three parts. The first is behavior-based, then emotional-based and finally values-based. “You can tap into fear, anger or sadness, but if you tap into shame or guilt, you cannot get anyone to do anything.”
““Use active empathy,” @lh_carter says. “If you tap into shame or guilt, you cannot get anyone to do anything.” #Language”
3. “Understand why people believe what they believe.” Everyone has values they attach to their personal and professional lives, understanding these values as motivation will help you craft a persuasive argument.
““Understand why people believe what they believe,” says @lh_carter. “Understanding values as motivation will help you craft a persuasive argument.” #MediaRelations”
4. “Have a very clear vision.” Carter says, “This is essential to have a visual and a vision of what does success look like. Articulate it in such a way that your team sees it too, it will give you focus and your whole team will be focused.”
“@lh_carter says: “Have a very clear #vision. Articulate it in such a way that your team sees it too, it will give you focus and your whole team will be focused.””
5. “Make sure everything aligns with your vision.” Carter says, “This helps you weather the storms. It can be two years before things start to change and that can be tumultuous. So you need to be able to see where you are going. Everyone needs to be paddling in the same direction.”
““Make sure everything aligns with your vision,” @lh_carter says. “You need to be able to see where you are going. Everyone needs to be paddling in the same direction.” #LeadershipTool”
6. “Self-awareness is important in your persuasion.” You have to know your weaknesses and be honest. You can turn weaknesses into strength.”
““Self-awareness is important in your persuasion,” says @lh_carter. “You have to know your weaknesses and be honest.” #Leadership #Advice”
Now the mother of an eight-month old and a 15-year-old step-daughter, Carter says she uses her persuasive prowess at work and home. While she is highly successful in persuading at work, at home, she says, “I often describe myself as the cobbler with bad shoes.”
Carter adds, “My biggest takeaway is to use active empathy and really understand the person you are talking to. So often we start with what we want to say. Instead, ask, ‘What is going on with you?’”
“@lh_carter advises, “Really understand the person you are talking to. So often we start with what we want to say. Instead, ask, ‘What is going on with you?’” #Communication”
