Why Being Your Authentic Self May Be A Lie For Most Women At Work
The idea that all women can be their authentic selves at work does not hold true for women of color. (Image by Stitch Fix.).
For anyone who has been told she is “difficult,” “tough,” “has a big personality,” and needs to tone it down, calm down, be a little less whatever, all this popular rhetoric on being your authentic self at work can be, well, inauthentic and not true.
“For anyone who has been told she is “difficult,” “has a big personality,” and needs to tone it down, all this popular rhetoric on being your authentic self at work can be inauthentic. #WorkCulture ”
Research shows that authenticity works at the top, perhaps, and in some company cultures where inclusion is a value, not a hiring tool.
For many other employees in many other workplaces, authenticity is only a plus if you do not present as any slice of any kind of “other.” Whether your difference is by age, race, orientation, personality, appearance, ability, geography, accent, after work habits, lifestyle or even resume chronology, in many organizations presenting your authentic self is problematic and not the magic cure-all to make your ambitions come true.
Few workplace cultures embrace all authenticity— though authenticity is a goal.
“Few workplace cultures embrace all #authenticity— though authenticity is a goal. #Workplace #Culture”
Mel Schwartz writes in Psychology Today, “Naturally, the word authenticity evokes an image of something pure or unadulterated. A letter of authenticity confirms that a certain object or work of art is not a counterfeit. The act of authenticating is a process of determining that something is indeed genuine, as it is purported to be. Yet we have no such method for ascertaining the authentic nature of people.”
So advising people to be authentic could even be problematic, in case you have never been witness to someone “letting loose” at a company event and the team gossiping about it for months with perhaps career repercussions.
Schwartz writes, “One’s authentic nature is revealed in their ability to express and share what they think or feel in a relatively unadulterated form. Diplomacy, political correctness, false flattery, people pleasing, avoidance and silence may, in fact, be designed to mask the authentic, unfiltered self.”
Yet, restraining from being as relaxed as you would be with family and close friends can be exactly what prevents you from climbing the leadership ladder.
“Restraining from being as relaxed as you would be with family and close friends can be exactly what prevents you from climbing the #leadership ladder. #CareerAdvice”
InfoQ reports, “Can we truly be our authentic selves at work, or are we at times covering? Covering takes energy and can isolate people; companies that foster authenticity and remove barriers that inhibit people from being themselves tend to be more successful.”
At Women in Tech Dublin 2019, Mairead Cullen, CIO at Vodafone Ireland, “suggested to be comfortable and share our authentic self in the workplace. ‘We should follow the path we made for ourselves, not follow a path defined by others.’"
Yet research shows the imagined ubiquitous reverence for authenticity and diversity is not true in places where sameness, homogeneity and conformity are the norm.
“Research shows the imagined ubiquitous reverence for #authenticity and #diversity is not true in places where sameness, homogeneity and conformity are the norm. #Workplace #Culture”
Yale University reports, “New research by Balázs Kovács, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Yale University, looks at how the meaning of authenticity might change when used in different contexts or domains. He found that regular people have broadly different definitions of authenticity, mirroring the academic understanding, and that these differences tie to differences between domains.”
Authenticity is great in artwork and food, he writes, but “can be viewed very differently depending on the domain,” and is not always a good thing at work. “A leader might be seen as authentic if her behavior is ‘unique or boundary-breaking,’” Kovács says. “Or she could be seen as not a ‘good fit.’”
Some report that the notion of being authentic only applies to the privileged few, and particularly women who conform to certain categories.
“Some report that the notion of being #authentic only applies to the privileged few, and particularly women who conform to certain categories. #GenderInequality”
“[Women of color] feel they can’t be themselves at work, feel like they need to downplay their ethnicity,” Sage Ke’alohilani Quiamno, the co-founder of Future for Us, a self-described “platform dedicated to advancing womxn of color at work,” tells Northwest Asian Womens Weekly.
Future for Us is partnering with Riveter for the upcoming State of Womxn of Color Roadshow in Seattle and nationwide.
“@FutureFor_Us is partnering with @theriveterco for the upcoming State of Womxn of Color Roadshow in Seattle and nationwide. #FutureForUs #WomxnOfColor”
Northwest Asian Weekly Reports, “We were both frustrated…We were tired of not being invited to events. We needed something to build community, to build fellowship, to share resources,” said Aparna Rae, Future for Us co-founder. “We want to see women of color getting great jobs…and ultimately, positions of power, where they lead decision-making in organizations.”
According to the Wall Street Journal, “Nearly one fifth—18%—of women of color reported feelings of invisibility and exclusion, according to a 2018 study of college faculty. More than 40% of black and Latina women reported being interrupted and spoken over in a work setting, and a third of women of color surveyed also said that others had taken credit for their ideas, according to the LeanIn.Org and McKinsey& Co. Women in the Workplace 2019 study of more than 68,500 employees and 329 companies, including Dow Jones & Co., publisher of The Wall Street Journal.”
Instead of feeling accepted as their authentic selves, women of color report they feel they are more guarded and feel invisible.
“Instead of feeling accepted as their #authentic selves, women of color report they feel they are more guarded and feel invisible. #WomenOfColor #Workplace #Discrimination”
WSJ reports, “A 2018 Catalyst study group found that people who frequently feel on guard at work often think about quitting their jobs. Of the 1,569 professionals surveyed, 56% of women of color reported being highly on guard, which the survey defined as feeling a constant need to protect against what others might say or do, whether they intend to exclude you or not. That defensive position could include bracing for insults, avoiding social interactions or adjusting appearance to ward off hurtful comments, according to the survey. On average, 38% of both men and women that Catalyst surveyed who reported being highly on guard also said they had a strong drive to succeed but thought about quitting frequently or all the time.”
“Amanda Sesko, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Washington Tacoma, studies discrimination and stereotyping and how they affect professional progress. Her initial report in 2010 found that black women’s words and ideas were the least likely to be remembered during meetings,” WSJ reports.
Can the work culture be saved so that all women and all employees regardless of identity or descriptor can feel it is welcome to be their authentic selves?
According to Black Enterprise, the first step is to acknowledge that a blanket statement to be authentic because it is what leads to advancement is just not true for everyone.
“According to @blackenterprise, a blanket statement to be #authentic because it is what leads to advancement is just not true for everyone. #WorkCulture”
“As companies focus on their culture, it’s important to understand that not all women are having the same experience at work. Women of color, lesbian and bisexual women, and women with disabilities are having distinct—and by and large worse—experiences than women overall. Black women in the workplace and women with disabilities face more barriers to advancement and often receive less support than other groups of women and men. These findings reinforce how important it is for companies to understand the challenges different groups of women face and address them head-on,” Black Enterprise reports.
Strategy Business reports that even women who make it to the very top have to be guarded and not totally at ease in some cultures.
Beth Comstock, former chief marketing officer and vice chair at General Electric, and author of Imagine It Forward: Courage, Creativity, and the Power of Change, “understood early that she would never become a player in GE’s buttoned-down corporate culture unless she was willing to stifle what was best and most distinctive about herself. The path she took instead is instructive for frustrated employees everywhere. She accepted the reality and sought to carve out a space where she could contribute and speak as herself ‘on the outer edge of the inside,’” Strategy Business reports.
“It’s an idea she picked up from Franciscan priest and writer Richard Rohr, who speaks of the edge as a “sacred space” where individuals can remain authentic yet exercise a degree of behind-the-scenes influence — a zone in which subtle change can occur. Instead of trying to be liked or accepted, Comstock put her considerable energy into finding ways to be creative and improve the quality of her work.”
Authentic is a recent buzzword among advice circles on how to get ahead on your career path and advance yourself. But know it to be true that this is not the case everywhere for everyone. It needs to be, and that would be ideal, but finding out that lesson the hard way may not be worth the risk.
“#Authentic is a recent buzzword among advice circles on how to get ahead on your career path. But know that this is not the case everywhere for everyone. #Truth”
As a leader, changing a culture so that everyone can be more authentic is the goal. And addressing the issues of acceptance directly is the way to go.
“As a #leader, changing a #culture so that everyone can be more #authentic is the goal. And addressing the issues of acceptance directly is the way to go. #WorkCulture”
“The only way to address the challenges associated with racism, sexism, and other forms of injustice in the workplace is to be open to experiencing this discomfort in an honest and forthright way. Push yourself to communicate candidly about difficult topics. Accept that you are never going to be perfect. Apologize and admit your mistakes and blindspots, express gratitude when someone corrects you, listen to those who have been injured or silenced, and commit to doing better. Then pick yourself up, go out there again, and do better,” writes Daisy Auger-Dominguez in Harvard Business Review.
“Your actions as a leader are doubly powerful. In addition to standing up for others yourself, you signal to others that it is also safe for them to do so,” Auger-Dominguez writes.
By doing that, perhaps everyone would ideally feel welcome to be their authentic selves without judgment or repercussion—even those of us with “big personalities.”
