That Time I Didn’t Negotiate My Pay — and What Happened Then

Issue 2844 —April 14, 2025

True confession. Like many women, early in my career, I felt so lucky to get work that was meaningful to me that I typically said, “Thank you,” got right to work, and never even thought about negotiating based on what the marketplace would bear.

The first time I remember being conscious that the pay level could actually be a factor impacting my future—as well as my present ability to pay the bills—I knew the position I had interviewed for paid 20% more than the teaching job I had intended to seek.

So I thought I was being pretty smart to take it. Didn’t do my research. Never even considered negotiating. Gave no thought to how all my future pay levels would build off of that one.

The next time I applied for and was offered a job, the salary was twice what I was making, so taking it seemed pretty smart too, right? Again, I said “Thank you,” and got to work, feeling quite proud of myself.

Only several years later did I learn that a male candidate had been tendered 20% more than I was. I took what was offered whereas he had negotiated successfully for that higher pay level. He ultimately declined only because his wife didn’t want to make the move. I thought I was just lucky to get the job.

It wasn’t till a study found women in my field were less likely than men to be in the highest paying jobs, and furthermore those women who were in top positions were usually paid significantly less, that I had hard data to show my board why I should get a salary adjustment accordingly.

Truth is, nobody gives you what you don’t ask for. And sometimes, even then, there are culturally learned factors to overcome.

That’s a lesson that men are more likely to be socialized to act on from an early age. Women are taught to be nice, and as a result advocate less for themselves.

In addition, when they do ask for their worth, women are often judged more harshly than male candidates because they have broken their expected gender stereotype.

I’m undoubtedly among the women who lost over half a million to a million dollars over my lifetime earnings because I didn’t do what Lilly Ledbetter did — challenge pay disparities.

“Lilly” will be released exclusively in theaters beginning May 9, 2025

Women so often experience those gaps while doing equal work with equal experience as to the typical man working next to them. And they might not have the skills and tools to advocate on their own behalf so they need to learn and use those techniques, despite the implicit bias that might be working against them.

Learn all about Lilly’s experience by registering now to see the pre-release screening of the compelling new film “Lilly” on April 15 if you’re in Arizona. The screening will be followed by a panel on “Women, Wealth, and Power” at the Scottsdale Public Library Civic Center branch. But hurry, tickets are going fast!

That’s before it reaches theaters nationwide May 9th.

“Lilly” is based on the remarkable story of Lilly Ledbetter, whose fight against pay discrimination in an Alabama tire factory took her all the way to the Supreme Court, all while facing powerful opposition.

Don’t get me wrong. I feel blessed with the opportunity to make my life’s passion for equality; in particular, helping women get their fair and equal share of pay, power, and leadership positions.

In that context I’ve never worked a day in my life, as the saying goes.

But now I realize how much power I gave away, not just in dollars but the power those dollars bring.

The power to buy things for my family and help them in times of need. The power to invest to build legacy level wealth, the power to give to the causes and candidates I want to support, the power not to worry that I’ll outlive my savings. I could go on.

Let’s turn this question on its head for a moment: If they won’t increase women’s pay to equal the men’s, how about the men take an 18% pay cut? That would even things out, save companies lots of money, and achieve the goal of pay fairness: equal pay for equal work.

Well ok, that’s not likely to happen. So what shall we do?

It’s hard to change a culture while you’re living in it, and there’s a big risk in upending any power structure. You lose the comfort of the familiar misery. People might say bad things about you. You have to actually think. To make choices because you have choices available to you, and you must take responsibility for what you choose.

But consider the alternative:

Pay Disparity = Power Disparity

“Lilly” illuminates the impact a single courageous person can have. Only in theaters on May 9.

As long as women are being paid less than men for the same work, women will have less power in politics, in the workplace, and in personal relationships. Less power means fewer choices for their lives, work, and relationships.

There’s no denying that women have drawn closer to parity with men in professional and economic matters, thanks to courageous hard work. But the continuing disparities make it imperative that we press for legislation and organizational policies that require equal pay.

A fundamental change in the gender power balance occurs when women obtain the ability to earn a good, rewarding living at a fair wage. It’s the first step toward women’s fair and equal representation in the highest levels of business and finance, and in the home as well.

Lilly’s vision is what our country needs now and urgently to assure that the intelligence and capabilities of all our citizens are given the opportunity to grow, to innovate, and to create a better world for all of us.

Join us April 15 and get involved.

GLORIA FELDT is the Cofounder and President of Take The Lead, a motivational speaker, a global expert in women’s leadership development and DEI for individuals and companies that want to build gender balance. She is a bestselling author of five books, most recently Intentioning: Sex, Power, Pandemics, and How Women Will Take The Lead for (Everyone’s) Good. Honored as Forbes 50 Over 50, and Former President of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, she is a frequent media commentator. Learn more at www.gloriafeldt.com and www.taketheleadwomen.com. Find her @GloriaFeldt on all social media.