Perfect Enough Yet? Why Women of All Ages Can’t Let It Be

The stress to be perfect at work harms women of all ages, a new study shows.

All of us—we can assume—want to be good at what we do. Even in the most trying of times, as we are in now.

Many of us understand fully the need for validation, applause and recognition in the workplace. A nod from the manager, an email from the boss. It matters.

“Many of us understand fully the need for validation, applause and recognition in the #workplace. #ImposterSyndrome”

A new study on perfectionism of 1,000 women of different ages shows that many of us are holding ourselves to standards of perfection that are not achievable, setting ourselves up not just for disappointment, but for disaster.  

“Even though most women know deep down that perfection is unattainable, they still strive for it,” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests, the parent company of Queendom, that created and administered the study.

 “It’s that duality that causes so much heartache; that constant battle between the woman they want to be, and the woman they feel they need to be,” Jerabek says. “ For example, the vast majority of the women in our study said that they are proud of their achievements. Yet, more than half of them still worry about what other people think of them, both loved ones and strangers alike.”

 Google “imposter syndrome for women,” and 3.67 million results emerge.

“ Google “imposter syndrome for women,” and 3.67 million results emerge. #FemaleLeaders ”

Jessica Bennet writes recently in the “Working Woman’s Handbook, How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome” in the New York Times, “The term ‘impostor syndrome’ wasn’t coined until 1978 (by two American psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes), but it’s safe to assume that women have always felt it. It’s that nagging feeling that you’re not good enough, that you don’t belong, that you don’t deserve the job, the promotion, the book deal, the seat at the table.”

Bennet continues, “According to Valerie Young, an educator and the author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, it is common among high achievers, creative people and students. It persists through college and graduate school and into the working world, where women tend to judge their performance as worse than they objectively are while men judge their own as better. It tends to affect minority groups disproportionately, Ms. Young said — anyone who has the pressure of accomplishing ‘firsts.’”

In her new research, Jerabek found that 67 percent of Gen Z women are only satisfied when a task is done perfectly, while 71 percent of Gen Y feel that way. Sixty four percent of Baby Boomers require perfection every time, while 65 percent of Gen X female workers feel that way.

“In her new research, @ila_jer found that 67 percent of Gen Z women are only satisfied when a task is done perfectly, while 71 percent of Gen Y feel that way.”

For a recent episode of her Power To You podcast, Gloria Feldt, co-founder and president of Take The Lead, tackled the topic in, “How To Shuck Imposter Syndrome.”

“For a recent episode of her Power To You podcast, @GloriaFeldt, co-founder and president of @takeleadwomen, tackled the topic in, “How To Shuck #ImposterSyndrome.” ”

Feldt advises, “Change your mindset, change your perspective of yourself.”

“Even the most successful people have admitted to dealing with ‘imposter syndrome,’” Feldt says, and in the podcast she explains how you can face the feeling of being a fraud in order to ‘shuck’ it for good. She shares the three most important questions you should be asking yourself.

In the Queendom study, Jerabek says that 71 percent of Gen Y workers say they want to excel at everything they take on, while 66 percent of Gen Z female workers said the same. Fifty-six percent of Baby Boomers agreed with that statement, while 54 percent of Gen X women at work said the same.

“On the one hand, I believe we have come very far in terms of shattering beauty and gender role stereotypes, and making women feel more comfortable with who they are,” Jerabek says. “On the other hand, so many women are still ridden by self-doubt and a need for external validation, still struggle with self-esteem issues and imposter syndrome, and still feel that self-love is selfish and egotistical.”

Read more from Gloria Feldt on imposter syndrome

The study shows women of all ages set very high standards for themselves. That is a good thing, but they also say they are only satisfied if the work receives high praise from a manager, teacher or boss.

“@ila_jer ‘s Queendom study shows women of all ages set very high standards for themselves. #WomenInTheWorkplace”

Gen Y workers agree with that idea 41% of the time while Gen X agree 27 percent of the time and Baby Boomers say only 20 percent of the time do they agree with that notion.

A fear of criticism is also at play, with more than half of Gen Z women at work fear being seen as not good enough, with Gen Y female worker saying that is true 43 percent of the time. Gen X workers say that 37 percent of the time, and Baby Boomers feel this the least, at 16 percent.

Generalizing that a single failure in a task or assignment makes someone a failure as a person is also common, with Gen Z workers responding 47% of the time that this is what they feel. More than half, or 52 percent of Gen Z workers feels that way, while 48 percent of Gen X women said the same. Baby Boomer women –perhaps due to age and experience—say they feel a failure as a person because of a single failure only 24 percent of the time.

About half of the time—all women in all generations in the workplace—report they constantly worry about making mistakes. Most often it is Gen X women, and least often it is Gen Z women. And also, across all age groups, about half the women from Gen Z to Baby Boomers, report they constantly worry about making mistakes.

“About half of the time—all women in all generations in the workplace—report they constantly worry about making mistakes. #WorkingWomen”

The study also shows that the pressure to be perfect is real, from family and friends as well as society. The thought of being considered “average” by society terrifies women in all age groups about half the time, with the highest at 60 percent of Gen Z workers and 40 percent of Baby Boomer women at work.

Read more in Take The Lead on Imposter syndrome

“Because this concept of the ‘ideal woman’ still floats around on social media, on television, and in movies - and it’s a moving target. So it’s a constant everyday pressure women put on themselves to be everything to everyone,” Jerabek says.

“However, while it is true that women are bombarded with the unrealistic messages about the ideal female, we are as guilty, if not more, of imposing impossible standards on ourselves. We are not helpless victims. We have a voice. We can step into our power without blaming our lack of self-love on society. We can take responsibility for our own happiness - and taming our perfectionism is a great step in the right direction,” Jerabek says.

And this notion of accessing power and using your voice is the foundation of the work of Take The Lead’s programs, including the 50 Women Can Change The World cohorts across fields and disciplines to achieve the mission of gender parity in leadership across all sectors by 2025.

“This notion of accessing power and using your voice is the foundation of the work of @takeleadwomen ‘s programs, including the #50WomenCan Change The World cohorts”

Feldt, author of No Excuses, and who has recently launched a new set of 9 Leadership Power Tools, says, “From my research, interviewing women all over the country, and looking into my own heart and career, I concluded that the most important thing for a woman to learn is how to redefine power in order to embrace it authentically. When she knows the power in her own hands, she can go forward to lead with intention, confidence, and joy.”

Feldt adds, “Women are often ambivalent about power because we have borne the brunt of its negative aspects for millennia. Power has been defined as the power over something or someone. Once we redefine power as the power to – the positive power to accomplish good things in this world, power to thrive as an individual, and the power to make life better for ourselves, our families, our organizations, the world – we can embrace it fully. Power over is oppressive. Power to is leadership.”

As this study confirms, for many women, the notion of perfection is haunting. The notion of power is liberating.

“@GloriaFeldt, author of #NoExcuses, says “The most important thing for a woman to learn is how to redefine #power in order to embrace it authentically.””