It’s Not Bragging If It’s True: 4 Ways To Play Up Your Wins

New research shows women do not like self-promotion, but that is just what women need to do.

You may have heard the joke that goes like this (and you can fill in the blank):  How do you know if a man (won an award, got a job promotion, attended an Ivy League school…)?

Answer: Because he will tell you.

Women, not so much.

A new study called The Self-Promotion Gap of more than 1,000 men and women shows that 69 percent of women would rather downplay their accomplishments than talk about them.

“A new study called The Self-Promotion Gap shows that 69 percent of women would rather downplay their accomplishments than talk about them. #ConfidenceGap”

The study from Mighty Forces, Southpaw Insights, Upstream Analysis and Grey Horse Communications shows that the reticence to discuss strengths and abilities differs across race “with African American (44%) and Hispanic (47%) women far less likely to downplay their strengths and abilities than white (60%) women.”

Women over 55 years old are more likely to downplay their strengths and abilities (66%) than women under 55 (53%). And older women are also 20 percentage points more likely to want to blend in (83%) than young women aged 18-34 (62%).

Ironically, the study shows, that women like to hear what other women say about their own accomplishments. According to the study, “A majority of women (83%) have been inspired by hearing women talk about their successes and accomplishments.”

The study shows women prefer to hear about other women’s accomplishments than hear men talk about what they have done. 48% of women “strongly agree” that they have been inspired by hearing other women talk about their own success only 24% “strongly agree” that they have been inspired by hearing men talk about their own successes.

“Ironically, the study shows, that women like to hear what other women say about their own accomplishments. #FemaleConfidence”

Lisa Curtis, founder of Kuli Kuli, writes about the study in Forbes, and suggests, “While humility is a trait with many virtues, it is not a helpful one in the field of entrepreneurship. By definition, entrepreneurs are creating something out of nothing. Most investors, particularly at early-stages, are investing more in the founders than the idea or product. The more impressive the founder makes herself out to be, the more likely she’ll be successful in raising the money she needs to scale.”

This gender gap in self-promotion is evident in other research. According to Good Morning America,“When men and women performed equally on a test, women on average reported their performance as being 15 points lower on the 100-point scale than the average man, according to a study from researchers at Harvard Business School and the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. The researchers described the results as a ‘gender gap in self-promotion’ and said it could contribute to the gender gaps that exist in education and the economy.”

But you can change the conversation in order to advance yourself in your career or get hired.

“But you can change the conversation in order to advance yourself in your career or get hired. #SelfPromotion #Confidence”

"The more you talk about your accomplishments, talk about what you want, what you’ve done well and the value you’ve brought, you're writing your own story line,"  Lauren McGoodwin, founder and chief executive of Career Contessa, an online career platform for women, tells GMA.

Robin Madell writes in U.S. News & World Reports on the self-promotion gap and offers reasons women may do this form of self-abnegation.

"As women, we're socialized to fulfill a caregiver role and make sure everyone around us is comfortable," says Jessica Broome, founder and president at Southpaw Insights. "We heard from so many women that they don't want to be seen as conceited or boastful, but 83% of women had been inspired by hearing other women's achievements. We have to see the big picture and remember how helpful it is to women, especially young women, when we let our own light shine."

Madell writes, “Another drawback of failing to share your accomplishments is that it can hold you back at work. If your supervisor, colleagues and other team members aren't aware of your capabilities and past experiences, you may get passed over for career opportunities.”

Perhaps told repeatedly that bragging is wrong and selfish, many women have difficulty jumping the hurdle to tell the truth about how great they are.

“Perhaps told repeatedly that bragging is wrong and selfish, many women have difficulty jumping the hurdle to tell the truth about how great they are. #SpeakUp #InspireWomen”

Susan Madsen writes on Linked In about the study from Jessi L. Smith and Meghan Huntoon (2014) titled “Women’s Bragging Rights: Overcoming Modesty Norms to Facilitate Women’s Self-Promotion” in the Psychology of Women Quarterly, about the complexities around self-promotion for women.

“Research has found that women who advocate for themselves feel uncomfortable, often experience a backlash from breaking these social norms, and are less liked than women who adhere. So, when self-promotion is needed for success, women often feel a double bind,” Madsen writes.

I have witnessed this tendency to “hide your light under a barrel” repeatedly in extremely successful women introducing themselves to a new group. I have watched women neglect to mention they are a MacArthur Genius Award winner, founder of an extremely successful startup, Pulitzer Prize winner and a Nobel Prize finalist dismissed the honor because “she was part of a group.”

No one likes to be considered a show-off, but it is not boorish boasting if it is true. Here are some ways you can communicate your successes and accomplishments to achieve your goals.

“@Takeleadwomen offers ways you can communicate your successes and accomplishments to achieve your goals. #ConfidenceGap #Success”

Frame it as a positive, no apology. “Rethink self-promotion as an opportunity to share what you can bring to the table: something valuable to others. Make a promise, and deliver on it. Drawing on your experiences, expertise, education and accomplishments provides an evidence base to support your story. This is especially useful to people who feel uncomfortable with self-promotion,” writes Palena Neale in Forbes.

Stick to the facts. If you are being introduced on a panel, in a meeting, headed to a funding review or an annual salary review, know your facts and state them. Speak to your awards and your sales record, the outcomes you have achieved. Say them clearly and in a straightforward tone.

“Stick to the #facts. Speak to your awards and your sales record, the outcomes you have achieved. Say them clearly and in a straightforward tone. #WorkAdvice #Confidence”

Know the appropriate time. It may not be when you sit down to a business dinner, or when you shake someone’s hand for the first time. Express your accomplishments when the context is right, such as when someone asks you what’s new, or what you are working on. When you show your sincere pride in what you have done, that can be contagious.

“Know the appropriate time. Express your accomplishments when the context is right. #Networking #WorkAdvice”

Be prepared to say why and elaborate with evidence. “If you do talk up your achievements to others (and you should), it’s important to make sure you believe and can support what you’re saying. Recent research published in the Journal of Self and Identity found that people react more favorably to boasting when it is supported by evidence,”Lydia Smith writes in Forge.

Caroline Joynson, a PR strategist and founder of Cheerleader PR, tells Forge: “When it comes to self-promotion, concentrate on show, not tell. Show your audience what you can do, rather than just broadcasting to them. Show them examples of your work and the results you’ve achieved.”

Smith says go ahead and just say what you have done well and why it matters. “Ultimately, the key is to stop judging yourself and others for self-promotion. These days, avoiding it completely is simply not an option for most of us.”

If you don’t state your accomplishments, perhaps no one else will.

“If you don’t state your accomplishments, perhaps no one else will. #ConfidenceMatters #SpeakUp”

Cathie Ericson writes in Northwestern Mutual, “Here’s a trick that can help you get over that negative baggage: Imagine you’re talking about a friend instead. A Montana State University study found that when asked to write a recommendation letter for a friend and for themselves, women were much better at promoting their colleagues, while downplaying their own successes. So the next time you have a victory to share, use that same objectivity and take pride in what you’ve accomplished."