Issue 236 — July 24, 2023

Did you see the powerful monologue by America Ferrera’s character (aptly named Gloria) in the Barbie movie posted on every social media platform? And maybe, like millions of other women, you nodded in recognition. Many said they were moved to tears.

America Ferrera (L) and her on-screen daughter Ariana Greenblatt (R) in Barbie.

Here it is in full. Please drop a comment in below to tell me how you feel about it. And read to the end of it to get the secret to a solution.

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”

Can you relate? I certainly can, especially to the exhaustion part!

So what do we do about it? Here’s the secret I discovered in my research, by talking and working working with thousands of women, and by looking honestly into my own heart:

Know your power. Embrace it in your authenticity as a woman. Take it inside of you, breathe it in with love, breathe out those culturally learned limits, and you will lead YOUR intentions — not someone else’s judgments of you. Define power on your terms and you will find joy.

I’m not saying it’s easy or quick. This is a deep process. It doesn’t happen overnight. But I can tell you where to start.

Join me and hundreds of other women at the Women’s Equality Day Power Up Concert and Conference, August 26, in person at UCLA’s Luskin Center or virtually wherever you are. (All registrants will receive the replay link in case you can’t join that day or want to rewatch any part of it.)

Get inspiration, actionable skills, and community when you get your ticket here. I can’t wait to see you there.

GLORIA FELDT is the Cofounder and President of Take The Lead, a motivational speaker and expert women’s leadership developer for companies that want to build gender balance, and a bestselling author of five books, most recently Intentioning: Sex, Power, Pandemics, and How Women Will Take The Lead for (Everyone’s) Good. Former President of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, she teaches “Women, Power, and Leadership” at Arizona State University and is a frequent media commentator. Learn more at www.gloriafeldt.com and www.taketheleadwomen.com. Tweet Gloria Feldt.